sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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