My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
