I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
