I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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