your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
