why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
