wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what day is it and did you see me today?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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