There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't turn off my feet"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The convent might be a nice break from real life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
