Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
