i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone came in the potted fern
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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