Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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