I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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