if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
