Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
