You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
