you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
