Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
