Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
