No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
