I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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