he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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