....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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