I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
