I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
