the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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