this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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