You really coming over, don't trick.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
