I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
