In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
