We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
