State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
