singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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