I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
