He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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