I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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