$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
