Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
