the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
