I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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