I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
