I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
