i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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