Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
