What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
