So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
