we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just had sex bonerless
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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