whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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