Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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