There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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