Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
