guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
